


I Swear Our Sisters Will Be the Death of Us

by mandorable



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Pranks, and horrible movie choices, blind dates, italian resturants, younger siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-18 13:39:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandorable/pseuds/mandorable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert and Dave Strider's younger sisters have had the role of their brothers' matchmakers for the past year or so. Jade, John's younger sister, get's tired after so many blind dates they've set the boys on and decides to prank them with Rose's help. The two set John and Dave on a blind date together! Shenanigans and awkward broffections go down, wonder if they'll make cute boyfriends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave heads to the park to meet with Rose about his next blind date, but finds Jade in her place. But that's not the biggest surprise in store for him.

[October 1, year 0, 4:16 p.m]  
[Current Location: St. Augustine Park, 3 miles east of town]  
You approached her with caution. Usually your step-sister was the one to greet you for these meetings, she often read your emotional state and personality like a first reader's book. But Jade here was your best bro John's younger sister, and holy fuck was she twice as derpy and sassy as him. Honestly you swear both of them have ADHD, ADD, and eat a bowl full of sugar each morning. Seriously how could they be so cheery everyday when they stay up until 12 and sleep till 7?

"Daaaaaave?" You blinked a couple of times to realize that you had zoned out and were standing in front of the green eyed girl. Shit, you really need to work on that. So you slowly work out a, "Sup, where's Lalonde?" before settling with standing beside her, hands carefully hidden away inside pant pockets.

Jade just grins, like one of those mischievous ass cartoon characters who are absolutely up to no good, "We decided to try something new." She weaves her arm through and under yours so they're linked together and starts pulling you away from the fountain you were standing by. Huh, when did that get there? "So, Rose tells me you're having just as much trouble as John with these blind dates," she giggles, fucking giggles at your misfortune.

"Yup," you seriously have a soft spot for Egbert-Harley's don't you? Sucks for you, doesn't it.

"Not to be nosy but how come? I mean John has fun, but he just says none of them are 'the one'! It's kind of silly since he complains that nobody loves him. It's really stupid if you ask me," Jade sighed, shoving hands into her oddly regular looking jacket. Sadly her arm still intertwined with yours, it's not that you minded the contact it's just that the girl not only can but will forcefully drag you anywhere. 

You open your mouth to say something but decide against it. Quick make an excuse or rip her arm off of you or something before you do something stupid! Seriously what are you going to do, you agree with John. You haven't met 'the one' but you only complain to Rose to be an ass. Shit, breathe Dave, not cool dude. "I ,uh, well I guess I'm waiting for that special someone too." Jade laughed, like really laughed like you told a really hilarious joke. Then she poked your ribs, and you literally squeak. Then she laughs more so you just shove her and she shoves back and soon everything just turns into a gigglefest with a game of shoves added in.

"Well, this time around we have a special person for you. I mean he's pretty cute but I don't know. He has nice eyes," Jade suppresses her bubbly giggles and tries to stretch her face back into submission. It doesn't work, leaving her snorting and giggling again while you chuckle under your breath. The fact they finally decided to try a guy this time kind of surprises you, not that you're against it, it's something nice but unexpected. 

"Soooo?" The green-eyed girl finally untangled herself, grabbing your hands in the process, and standing in front of you holding your hands while she anxiously awaited a reply from you, the extra nervousness in her smile kind of threw you off for a moment.

"So what? Harley, I'm not going to object to it, love is love no matter who you give it to and receive it from," You frowned pulling a hand away to pat her black locks. She just smiled and nodded. Jade reached her arms around your torso to give you a quick, tight hug.

"Tomorrow, breakfast at the waffle shop by my place? I'll have all the information you need to know, time, place, the regular stuff Rose gives you. See you later!" she let go of your other hand to give a wave before she jogged off back towards the fountain, her bike most likely parked in the bike rack a little ways down the sidewalk leading to it. You're car is parked down the street, but it's still quite early. A nice walk before sunset would probably calm any of your frazzled nerves from today.

[October 2, year 0, 8:29 a.m]  
[Current Location: Pyrope's Waffle Shoppe, Downtown]  
"Good morning guys. Welcome to Pyrope's Waffle Shoppe, the only waffle shop in town. What would you like to drink?" The waitress asked, flipping open a small red notebook. When you first came here, you thought this chick was the Mrs. Pyrope who owned the place, nope, just a regular employee. The place was small so you only saw her and a male employee working the store at a time, but you usually come in the morning so the actual owner, Terezi Pyrope, was probably working a later shift.

"I'll have a coffee, he'll have a diet coke," Jade answered, still skimming over the small menu.

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks," the waitress walked away. You went back to looking at your menu, there wasn't much. Mostly breakfast foods, and a couple breakfast themed lunch sandwiches.

"So how does a movie sound?"

"Hmn?" You lifted your head to look at Jade, then remember what you were actually here for. A meeting about that blind date with the cute guy who has "nice eyes". "Yeah, a movie sounds nice. What's at the theater this week?"

"There is that new movie, it's a romantic one i think? I don't know but it's a lot of random newish movies I guess," Jade shrugged glancing back down at the menu, "What are you getting, I'm thinking about getting the waffles with the strawberries."

"No, Jade you are not getting the waffles with the strawberries," You swear she seriously needs to stop trying to be funny right now.

"Why not?" Jade grinned.

"Because I will get the peanut butter french toast so help me god." You growl, sending a death glare her way.

"Fine." She sighed meanwhile rolling her eyes.

". . ."

"How about all you can eat pancakes?"

"Sounds good."

[10 minutes later]

"Jade how many plates of pancakes are you going to eat!?" You grimace, you only had one plate and that was enough. She seriously is like a fucking 14 year-old boy, shoveling syrup soaked pancake chunks into her face.

She pulled her face away so she could say something. "This is only my third plate Dave! They only give you like a pancake and a half every time!" The black-haired girl complained, stuffing the last bits of pancake into her mouth.

"So the cinema at 7:35 to catch the showing of one of those movies," You grabbed the receipt from the table, it was only about ten dollars. The all you can eat pancakes were about three dollars each and your drinks were one.

"Yeah, you should also let your date choose. Hehe! don't forget to remind him you're the man in this relationship!" Jade smiled and patted your shoulder, "Also thanks for breakfast, I'll text you later."

[ 7 hours and 1 minute later]  
[Current Location: Home, in the Godly Gardens complex, 14 miles north of town]

You just stepped out of the shower, it's about 5:30 so you have about an hour and a half until you should head out of the house. You know it won't take you long to get ready, but you also wanted to be able to at least talk with the guy before you go to sit and wait for the movie. Well shit maybe even stopping by one of those italian diners would be great, dinner and a movie.

You grab your phone from your pocket, and set it on the counter while you brush your teeth. After you finish and spit the minty foam into the sink you pick up the beaten iPhone you had bought a few years ago. It's got a cracked screen and countless nicks on the surface, but it still works well enough for you to use it.

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:33 - -  
TG: hey Lalonde  
TG: you know my date right?  
TG: or did Jade set me up for this one  
TT: Dave did Jade tell you we found your date together?  
TT: She also insisted that we switched roles so she relayed the information to you.  
TG: okay, so you've got his contacts right?  
TT: I might.  
TG: I would ask for them but it would be ruining the surprise  
TG: so mind asking him if it would be okay maybe to meet up before the movie  
TT: I will.  
TT: May I ask why?  
TG: well maybe I wanted to be courteous and put an honest effort into wooing this guy  
TG: totes not going to pull any ironic stunts this time  
TT: Okay.  
TT: I'll message him and see what he has to say on the matter.

You start combing through your still damp hair for a few minutes before your phone chirps to tell you your step-sister had replied.

TT: He said it's okay with him.  
TT: Where are you meeting then?  
TG: at the theatre  
TT: When?  
TG: 6:30 if that's ok  
TT: Alright, he said he will see you then.  
TT: Good luck Dave.  
TG: thanks, ttyl  
\- - turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentaleThereapist [TT] at 17:39 - -

Okay so now you have about forty minutes until you should leave. That means you can take your time, and maybe put extra effort into getting ready. Screw it, you'll just do everything slowly. After finishing with combing through your hair you open the cupboard below the sink to bust out your blow dryer. It only takes you a couple minutes to dry your hair, as always burning yourself a few times in the process. Now time to style your relatively easy to tame hair, a swoop of the brush here and a glob of gel there should do it. You now move to the bedroom to get dressed, time to but out something that isn't too comfy and casual. A nice dark grey tee with a small broken record on the breast that you ironed on yourself, a maroon-ish button up to toss on over top, you're darkest pair of blue jeans, don't forget clean underwear and socks, and your comfortable and somewhat too worn in black converse. After you're changed you check your phone for the time, you've got about twenty minutes to kill. Maybe you can try walking there, and ask for a ride home. He might not though and you'll be walking home alone in the dark. Screw it, you grab your small hello-kitty face backpack and stuff a jacket, your wallet, and cellphone into it's one pocket. Don't ask about it's history, but it's pretty damn useful so you rarely leave home without it.

Fuck yeah hello-kitty man purses rule.

[30 minutes later]

You're about a block away from the movie theatre, you check your phone, it's about 6:20 or something. So you'll be lucky if you don't have to wait forever for this guy to get here. You open up safari to check the movies showing at 7:35, turns out it's not random new movies, but seriously just random movies. Lord of the Rings, Legend, The Matrix, Crash of the Titans, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Well let's hope Mr. cute with 'nice eyes' has a good taste in movies. After about five more minutes of walking you reach the cinema, so you stand off to the side to wait for your date.

You were checking out a guy talking to the cashier, about ready to walk over to see if he's the guy you're on a blind date with when you heard someone shout from behind you.

"Hey is that you Dave?" first of that wasn't just someone, it was John.

And second what is he doing here????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be longish hopefully, and i sorry if my times are a bit off. Its hard to do math and write about gay boyfriends okay. Also sorry if i mess up with gammar and spelling in some places, i've went over if a few times but i think there still might be a little bumps and kinks in it.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave tries to make it as awkward and fun for him and John as possible. He even tries to pull off a trick from The Lady and the Tramp. John on the other hand is trying his best to keep calm and go along with everything.

[October 2, year 0, 6:26 p.m]  
[Current Location: in front of the local movie theatre]  
"Hey, John. What are you doing here man?" You try to rip the surprise out of your voice. So you whip out your phone and John looks at you weird.

"Rose set me on a blind date, he said he wanted to meet here early. What are you doing here?" He reaches for his pocket probably to grab his cell to ask if he was there or not. Wait he???

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:26 - -  
TG: what the hell rose what is john doing here???  
TT: You're on a date with John, Dave.  
\- - tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:26 - -  
TG: and why is he on a date with a guy?

………………………..  
[Be: John Egbert]

\- - ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:26 - -  
EB: what is going on, dave is here!  
GG: youre on a date with dave!! :)  
\- - gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:27 - -

You slowly look up at Dave who obviously is already looking at you.

"Oh my god," is all you manage to mutter.

"Well, let's go then babe, I have reservations for us," Dave smiled at you, and for once you had no clue if this was real life or not. He starts walking and for about twenty feet he doesn't check to make sure you're following.

"Dave are you being serious? They're obviously pulling a dumbass prank on us!!!" you wish you could actually use shout poles in your voice but you think the distress and sort of whiny tone you've got going on sort of gets the message across. He doesn't even reply to you, just continues walking. God damn him, you stand there pouting for about a minute before you run to catch up with him.

"We have about an hour to eat hopefully that's enough time to finish before the movie," he shoots a side-way glance in your direction, or at least you think. He does weird shit with his eyes all the time.

[About 7 and ½ minutes later]  
[Current Location: The Cat's Meow Diner, local italian restaurant] 

You'd be happy to be able to say the walk to the restaurant diner thing was uneventful. Sadly it was not, Dave not only continued with his dumb flirting but he touched the butt! Your butt. No one touches your butt. It's the butt, like who even wants to touch your butt. Ok apparently Dave does but you think he's kidding, he is a sucker for both your and his sisters. That douche canoe. You both enter, your da- friend smirking.

After the really creepy host had you seated was when you saw it.

"Dave." you frown at the blonde.

"Mhm?" He actually looks at you this time, no funny weird eye shit.

"Is that Hello Kitty?" you whisper, scrunching up your face. He really has this thing for "irony" and everything. If your golden retriever, Casey, up and died he'd find some kind of ironic twist in it.

"I know right, it's amazing," grinning like you had said he was the prettiest girl at prom, Dave re-retrieved his tiny little backpack from the back of his chair and flaunted it. He starts to giggle, and you can't help but to laugh at him. Thats when a short girl with curly hair and a smile in her eyes trotted over.

"Hello boys! What would you like to drink tonight?" She asked with her little waiter book at the ready.

"Pepsi please," you reply with a small smile.

"A diet coke would be great," Dave sat there looking at the girl's name-tag for a couple seconds," Nepeta." He winks, so smooth man, so smooth. You can't help but let out a surpressed chuckle when she walks away.

"Really, Dave? Really?" the look you send his way is meant to be one that is not impressed but its just turns into a goofy grin because he is fucking weird sometimes.

"Really." The blonde deadpans but like you also ends up smiling. So rude though, him flirting with people when he's on a date with you! Shame on him.

You're kidding though.

You really don't care.

When Nepeta returns with your drinks you've both have an idea about what you're going to order. But then Dave seems to have hatched a genius plan.

"Spaghetti for the both of us. But on one plate please."

The waitress smiled, nodded, then winked at the both of you.

If you weren't in public you'd be shoving that man down a flight of friendship stairs.

[10 minutes of food preparation later]

He was serious. Dave was being fucking serious. The douche wanted to pull a lady and the tramp.

You better be the lady because you are totally in any way not a tramp.

Your date-Best bro starts eating first, acting like what he's doing is completely innocent. Good thing you have a habit that will ruin this for him. You pick up the utensil called a fork and start cutting up your side of the spaghetti. Now that you're safe from Dave's odd ball plan you happily start to eat with a "hahaha sucker" smile smeared on your face. Sadly he doesn't seem to have been affected.

Then your attempt to eat in silence is ruined.

"So how's everything been, long time no see, huh." Dave trying to be polite covers his mouth as he tries to speak while eating.

"Dave you texted me like yesterday," rolling your eyes you take another bite and throughly chew it and swallow, "We just haven't hung out in a while dofus. I didn't know you'd miss my face that much."

"Well who wouldn't." He does his weird eyebrow thing that only he can manage to do. The double eyebrow twitch thing that you've seen on the internet and in the movies.

"Let's just finish up so we can go see a movie," you mumble looking down at your fork.

"Ok, honey bunch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i haven't updated in forever. I just get busy and don't have the time or the interest for it! So hopefully i'll pick up the speed for your sake. Also sorry for the lack of bulk and that I only posted a really short chapter, i'll try to get the third one up soon to make up for that.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and John finally see a movie. John decides to take his turn at the "make this totally not date awkward" thing, and doesn't quite succeed.

[October 2, year 0, 7:05 pm]  
[Current Location: the ticket booth at the local movie theater]

"Dave."

"John."

"Just pick already!!!" You shove Dave, you haven't been standing here long but you're annoyed. You've seen half of these movies and the others are just dumb. You saw the trailers and they just seem like trash! Get it trailer trash. No one appreciates your comedy gold do they? The acne-faced guy, no, teen in the ticket booth glares at both of you. Dave smiles and returns to staring at the titles on the big sign on the theatre building. You swear to God that that innocent little smile turns into a mischievous and very evil grin. 

"Surprise me."

You make a list of what to do when Dave's face makes that nasty expression: Run for the hills, or punch him in the face. For now neither option are available so when the guy rings you a receipt for Diary of a Whimpy Kid you inwardly groan.

[During the movie]

Dave has placed his left hand on your leg for the whole movie so far, except to grab a drink or popcorn. Both said items are extra large and shared. You swear he goes in for popcorn when you do on purpose, and you're pissed when he's not doing it because it sends weird jolts of what you're going to say is that cliche electricity everybody feels.

You remind yourself that this isn't a date.

It's a brodate.

You are bros with Dave.

[After the movie, 10:09 pm]

The popcorn is empty and so is the soda, your bladder not so much.

"Dave, I'm going to head to the bathroom. Wait outside for me," you grumbled before opening the swinging door to the nasty not even 1/100 of a star restroom. After positioning yourself at one of the least disgusting urinals you take the quickest piss the world has ever seen. Then you high-tail it out of there before the guy in the corner with the homemade cigarette notices you.

Dave is picking at his fingernails when you exit. He looks up and just stares at yoou for a few seconds with a soft, kind not quite there smile. You can feel your mood lift and you're not that angry anymore. Damn that cool kid and his charm. You grab your da-brodate's arm and head out of the doors of the theatre.

It's your turn to keep up the charade and to mess with your "matchmakers" by asking Dave out for another date. And maybe even giving him a platonic, goodnight smooch. You puff out a breath which turns smokey in the chilly night air.

"So, Dave," you mumble looking at your feet.

"Hmm?" He shifts his attention back to you. You didn't realize it even had left you, maybe he was just re-paying attention to you.

"We should do this again."

"Yeah."

"Are you free next Thrusday afternoon, there's a nice cafe near my work. I could take you there when I get off," You nod a few times at your shuffling feet before flashing a (fake) nervous smile at Dave. He nods a few times too, with a tiny almost there smile.

"Totally, where at?" His smile grows a little more. You notice that the smokey looking air that escapes his lips. You frown inwardly, Stop it John.

"I'll pick you up?" You state/ask.

"I'll be home around 3:40 then."

"Great," You sigh, with a dorky lop-sided grin. You start to lean in when he asks,

"Can I catch a ride it's cold and I sort of don't want to be mugged."

[ About 18 minutes later]  
[Current Location: Outside the Godly Gardens complex, 14 miles north of town]

"See you Thrusday," Dave says while opening the car door. You grab the sleeve of his button up to pull him back into the car. Your lips crash into his in a quick and really awkward lip smash smooch.

"See you Thrusday, babe," You smirk trying to act cool and hide the fact that you're blushing as he pulls away and you let go of your sleeve. You watch Dave walk to the door of the lobby of the building before starting up the car. As you pull out you really hope that you don't think about the kiss as anything more than a dumb one-up on Dave's dating game and you really hope he doesn't either.

………………………..  
[Be: Dave Strider]

You really hope that buck tooth dork doesn't notice you put your fingers to your lips because you swear they're tingling while unlocking the door with your other hand. The sound of his car tires fade and you breathe a sigh of relief. You tell yourself to call Rose or Jade or someone in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an even shorter chapter, once again sorry. But hey at least you didn't have to wait that long?


End file.
